welcome to my Blog, a place as wild as my mind, where I will be diving into all sorts of different topics.
Manly focused on Astrology, Ancient cultures and personal healing tools and concepts that I have come across on my healing journey, that have helped me transform myself deeply.
As a person with their Mercury in Virgo, in the 3rd house - both signs ruled by Mercury - my mind feels a curiosity about almost anything and then wants to dive fully into understanding it in depth!
Having always been a person who has tried everything and then just moved on - I have now find my love for the
In this post here I am sharing a very personal story, that I normally don't tell to that many people.
It´s quite ironic. Fiveteen years ago, at the age of 12 I started a little photo blog, that soon lead me to being one of the first people to enter the world of Instagram.
The name of my blog was "be yourself", when all I was, was surely not myself. I quickly understood the rules of Instagram and rather sooner than later I´ve made quite a number of followers there. All in a phase where all I longed for was to get validation from the outside world, because inside of me, there was no love for who and what I am.
I played a role, I portrayed the perfect image, but all it lead me to getting hurt deeper and deeper, because everyone else seemed to be more popular and successful than me, even tho I did put a lot of work into my photos.
When I moved to Berlin, at the age of 21, all of a sudden cooperations started to come my way and I recieved free pieces of clothing and jewerelly, all for "only" posting a photo of myself with it.
All I had dreamed off since I was 14. Always looking to other inflences thinking, this must be the peak of happiness.
- Its okay to laugh at this point -
Until one day I got invited into a resturant to eat there for free, if I only post a photo.
Sounds fun, dosen't it? That's what I thought at least. Upon arriving there I got treated like an object. It was only about the perfect picture and there was no intrest in my personality what so ever.
And that was the point where I deeply questioned the world of social media and its fake happy life portays.
And then I got a leg-up from the universe. My phone broke and it took four weeks to repair.
Four weeks of no social media, no communication with friends, finding my way to places through a self painted map of the way I need to go.
And I haven't felt as happy as I did in these four weeks, since a very long time.
I slept deeper. I felt calmer - so so much calmer.
I dived deeply into my creativity, having all these ideas and projects I wanted to bring into life.
But wait, didn't I always tell myself I use Instagram to get inspired?
When in reality it was just an unhealthy overflow of information, leading to a lack of creativity insead of an increase.
And so after these four weeks were over and my phone was returned to me, I deleted my Instagram. Saying goodbye to self compairing, adjusting my self worth to a number, preasuring myself to post photos a certain way.
And now, five years later, I am sitting here again, writing this blog post and building my buissness over Instagram.
What a Deja-vu.
Did my experimentation phase, initiated by my 12 year old self only happen so I could heal my self-worth issues by learning how to find the validation I seek within myself?
Did it only happen so I know a number dosen't tell you, how good you are as a person or how good your person is?
I guess so.
And so I am sitting here smiling at the irony of life.
This journey brought me through the depth of so many emotions. Of so much pain. Of addiction to my phone. An addiction the common people of today are experiencing, without being aware of it. I wasn't aware of it myself.
But I became sober.
A sober return to the reason why I am here.
Not to be seen as someone, that lives the perfect live, but to be seen as someone who has walked through shit and made it out. Someone that shares their story, giving space to others on the same path as I am.
So hey, hello I am Lola and I finally found how to be myself.
I am forever in love with the stars, the smell of coffee in the morning, a stomach filled with delicious food, long hugs of people I feel safe with, reading a book and forgetting the time, early mornings when it feels like the world is still asleep, capturing pretty thing and then scanning my analogue films and diving into birth charts of souls opening their secrets to me.
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